Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
KURTIS THE STOCK BOY AND BRENDA THE CHECKOUT GIRL
In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy was busily working when a new voice came over the loud speaker asking for a carryout at register four. Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he approached the checkout stand a distant smile caught his eye, the new checkout girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he immediately fell in love.
Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card, BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road. Next day, he waited outside as she left the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again outside of work. She simply said it wasn't possible.
He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter. Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date for the following Saturday. That Saturday night he arrived at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids with us."She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda brought him inside to meet her children. She had an older daughter who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought. Then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down Syndrome.
Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first husband and father of her children had done. But Kurtis was not ordinary - - - he had a different mindset.
That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the movies. When her son needed anything, Kurtis would take care of him. When he needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him and brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children. Since then they have added two more kids. So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the checkout girl?.....
Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona, where he is currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for an appearance in the Super Bowl.
Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he is not an ordinary person? It should be noted that he also quarterbacked the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI. He has also been the NFL's Most Valuable Player twice and the Super Bowl's Most Valuable Player.
Kurt is also an Iowa boy from Cedar Rapids and a graduate of Northern Iowa University.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
ALIEN SNEAKS ON PLANE FROM BOSTON!!
With the following picture attached...
Please note: For those of you who don't know my dad, this is merely a self-portrait with his "fancy new" computer.
Friday, January 23, 2009
It's also nice to know that others carry around a little notepad to jot down ideas, sayings, weird thoughts...and here I was thinking I was the only one...and maybe I am, but I'm happy to be flying solo, continuously searching for "the next best thing."
Today's random jotting was like so "but I can't spell it out for you."
Yeah, yeah, yeah - I'm deep today. Who woulda thunk??
I was approaching the building I sneak through to escape the cold when I saw a man grab a twenty from the sidewalk. I was like "Whoa, happy Friday to him!" However, what I had not previously noticed was that specific twenty had fallen from the man wearing a red coat's pocket in front of him.
Clearly, Nice Guy could have kept that twenty for himself and no one would have known but himself. However, that man is a good man because he started to slightly jog to catch ol' Red Coat and simply handed over the twenty. No words were exchanged except a slight mumble of "thank you" from Red Coat, followed by the macho male head nod by Nice Guy.
It just reminded me that people are inherently good - in a world where we sometimes forget that it's simple things that brighten people's days.
The best kind of little good deeds are the kind that only you know about – that's usually what makes me happiest because if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
There I said it.
As important as the actual coffee is, it is equally important that your coffee is well represented in a mug of its own. I have a coffee mug theory in which everyone's mug describes them in some way, shape or form. One of my favorite mugs resides on Cape Cod, which is where it will remain until I retire there in a few years. It's green and LARGE and really, it doesn't get much better than a large mug with a good handle. Don't argue with me because I'm not wrong.
For my daily dose of caffeine, I use a Chicago themed mug from Starbucks. It makes me happy and I'll probably change it up in the next few months just to keep things fresh, as kids are saying these days.
But what does your mug say about you? Does it accurately depict you? If not, are you on your way to the store right now to find the perfect fit?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Anyway, back to the task at hand - I could go on about how grand our flag is for hours - Aretha Franklin was invited to sing "My Country Tis of Thee." No, wait, maybe it wasn't even that tune. See that's how distracted I was! I can't even remember what she was singing. All I know is that I did not like her rendition of the ditty, nor did I appreciate the adornment upon her head.
Really - what is that? Perhaps it's because I'm not a fashionable person, but that...that...that thing really distracted me from her patriotic song. I think it is her patriotic duty to remove and burn immediately.
Monday, January 19, 2009
There are a number of good things going on in this video. Mainly, that it is a direct clip from "The Box" - which was, by far, one of my favorite channels that was too short-lived. I remember calling to request songs, specifically "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by the legendary B.Spears. There was also a song that I could never quite figure out why it didn't make it big called "Hottie-Boomba-Lottie." My guess it was a one hit wonder because I can't remember the artist. However, I know he sang about wanting a "hottie, a hottie-boomba-lottie."
Who wants to know?
Who wants to know?
Anyways, my friend, Miss Fantawesome, introduced me to the mysterious Jon Ray. Who is Jon Ray, you ask?
Funny you should inquire because he seems to be a bit lost himself:
WHO is JON RAY?
The fact that he posts his cell phone number and insists that you call or text him makes me really want to text him and ask "Who are you?"
January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
...and the reply the teacher received the following day...
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
If you attempt to high five a blind person, then you are an idiot.
Fact: The last contestant was blind.
That Yahoo! is available in more languages than there are Tootsie Pop flavors?
Bet 'cha didn't.
Because if you already knew that, that would make you a loser.
And it just makes me the winner for telling you first.
It's about that time!
Happy first official day to start eating conversation hearts!
So go ahead and grab a bag and don't be heartless today!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So in this new year...if your new year's resolution is to lose those annoying extra pounds or just become that lean, mean, fighting machine you know lives deep down inside you...
Reach out and listen to Richard – he has an entire community waiting to accept you with open arms:
He's Glad You're Here!!!
So get that boooty in shape.
That was too Richard Simmons-y for me.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Mark DeRosa is no longer a Chicago Cub. He is now a Cleveland Indian.
I do not like this fact.
I do not support this fact.
I will not get over this fact.
Luckily, I found out immediately on New Year's Eve day and was able to appropriately (though responsibly) drown my sorrows that night.
But really, Cubs management, yes, let's trade Mr. Versatility in hopes of gaining yet another pitcher who may or may not make or break the pitching staff. Genius plan, guys.
Naturally, I'm bitter. However, I'll be the bigger person and I'll get over it. Time heals all wounds, right?
(And this was my first – and ideally last – dramatic post of the year...)
As I addressed an envelope for work to a man with the last name "Youngblood," it got us thinking what the worst names of all time would be. In case you are interested, here goes nothing:
Here’s the thing, you have to get a license to drive a car but they let anyone be a parent. And, more pertinent to this conversation, they let anyone, may I repeat, ANYONE name their kid. So, while that might have some VERY unfortunate consequences for a few unlucky kids, it provides serious entertainment for those of us with parents who actually put some thought into naming us. With that in mind, here are 10 of the worst names ever. Seriously, these parents should be locked up… (and what the hell is wrong with Missouri?)
- John Koffman (Murfreesboro, TN) - His friends call him Jack…
- Sharonda Cox (Saint Louis, MO) - It might be pronounced ShaRONda but it sure looks like “sharin’ da” to me…
- Justin Butts (Springfield, MO) - I’ll take gay jokes and monthly therapy bills for a lifetime please, Alex.
- Harry Ball (Castle Rock, CO) - Insert pretty much any joke here. Seriously, Harry’s lucky he made it out of middle school.
- Amanda Buttram (Conway, MO) - I know, I know, I didn’t believe it myself at first. But trust me, it gets worse (or funnier depending how sadistic you are).
- M. Y. Butt (Saint Louis, MO) - When did St. Louis decide it hated babies?
- Richard Large (Eufaula, AL) - Good ole’ Dick might have hated filling out forms last name first but I’m guessing Richard Little (Saint Louis, MO) would probably be willing to trade.
- Ben Dover (Nineveh, IN) - I wish I were kidding. Look it up. Shouldn’t there be some sort of mercy rule for this type of thing?
- Gayford Buttram (Niangua, MO) - And the Buttram family makes their second appearance on the list. Here’s a tip, if your last name includes the word Butt in it (in which case, again, I’m sorry) please for the love of everything holy don’t put the word “gay” anywhere near your poor kid’s name. You know… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
- And last but certainly not least we have Michael Huntsucker(Kansas City, MO) - $1,000 and my first born child says he doesn’t go by Mike.
FACT: Never name a child when in Missouri.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
"I was nine years old and walking myself to school one morning when I heard the unfamiliar sound of a prepubescent boy calling my name..."
has already grabbed my attention.
Six reasons you should read "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea"
1) It's written by Chelsea Handler - a hysterical female
2) The wittiness oozes out of every word and makes you wish you had thought of it yourself. And she says the things you think, but would never actually say.
3) The stories are so unrealistically real.
4) She calls midgets "nuggets" and when she naturally becomes obsessed with a little midget named Kimmy, you almost wish you were hanging out with them both.
5) It's a book where you don't even notice that you are laughing out loud. And once you do notice, you don't even mind. And you laugh even louder.
6) Did I mention that Chelsea Handler is hysterical?