let the dating games begin (or continue?)

If you're wondering why you're seeing a picture of my dog as I'm about to share a dating story, stick with me. 

I'm on the vast and interesting journey to find my best guy but he has to compete with my best girl. 

I went on a first date tonight and it had the makings of being okay (ignore the fact I'm writing about it on the same night it happened). We had decent conversations on the Bumble and seemed to have enough in common that sure, let's give it a go. He did a lot of things right. Confirmed meeting up. Set the time as I offered up locale options. Heck, he even arrived ten minutes early which always wins points as someone who once dated a guy who apparently couldn't read a clock. 

Sadly, all the right things ahead of time didn't help during said date. It was just bad. Ironically, I had talked to my therapist earlier about this first date and she asked very good questions, made some observations and offered me advice. Now, I'm no amateur at dating, but it's been a while (ugh a long while) since I found someone enjoyable enough to get serious about and I can be stubborn, so it was a good and welcome conversation.

But what I can't do? Pretend I'm actually enjoying myself on a date anymore. Life's way too short. One piece of advice she shared going into tonight: "If you find yourself carrying the conversation, allow yourself to sit in the silence for a bit." And guys, that we did. Oh, that we DID. Granted I understand nerves and awkward but this was another level - another level you can just feel - then promptly want to remove yourself from. Probably doesn't make sense if you're not there next to me, but truly, I'm glad you weren't. Even the waiter felt the awkward and asked if I needed assistance. (I didn't - this guy was harmless. Important to note.)

So anyways - more dating to come. And more of me being vulnerable because that's the only way to do it, folks! But at least Bella girl is the best part of coming home from a bad date. And if I would rather hang out with her than date, then your loss - my gain. Lucky me!